everything is normal

feels like the world shifted one degree to the right, to the left and i wouldn’t have noticed

everything is perfectly normal

but not

like it is more difficult to put on the mask or maybe i want to see what it is like without

but i’m afraid

how does everyone do it so effortlessly

just walk around and not feel like everyone else sees through them

can they hear they the cracking as my heart pounds against my ribs like a bird in need of escape

the lightning that crackles from brain to eyes

can they tell no matter how similar we are we are basically different species

or is it me

i cannot see correctly with this dull ache

these dull aches

how are they walking like everything is okay, that it’s not all falling apart around them one centimeter at a time

a half of a half of a half of an inch from total chaos

it’s me

breathe

deep

in with the good

(it’s poison)

out with the bad

(i’m dying)

count to ten

not backwards

that would be too much like the countdown in my skull

smile

nod

greetings and salutations human i am one of you doing human things in my human body

don’t scream

go back inside and lay in bed and write and write and write

it’ll all be okay soon

or it won’t

everything is normal

except that it’s not